I have not updated my blog or anything on getitGODitgood.com in quite some time. Lots of things have happened in our family and our recovery, but I've been too drained to keep things updated. Sorry if you continue to monitor the site or blogs. I'll try to do better.
What is new? One of the biggest things is that one of our family doctors did not feel comfortable with the autopsy findings and wants to look into the possibility that a genetic heart problem could be at fault. If this is true then Lacey, Kim, Hannah and Paul could be at risk. Lacey will be thoroughly tested soon to see if she is also at risk. I will try to keep you up-to-date on these findings.
With a lot of help from prayers and God our family is recovering. I should actually say "accepting our new lesser life" instead of recovering. As the only male in the house now I have to say the dynamics have really changed. Obviously I miss Tanner, but along with Tanner being gone are the activities I attended with Tanner. His baseball team was like a second family. A great bunch of kids as well as parents and coaches. I miss Tanner not being able to find his glove and we end up being late getting to practice or his game. I miss him doing a front flip and reversing to a back flip on the trampoline. I miss his smile when he made Kim or I happy. I miss watching him play with his little sister. I miss his laugh. I miss his weird sense of humor. I miss all of him.
It has been extremely difficult starting our new life A.T. (After Tanner). There have been times I could not work and times I did not want to play. Lots of marriages fail after things like this, but I have done everything that I know to make this not happen. The main things is not forgetting God. Our family has become even more active in learning about God and Christ. Yes, they are the same, but my limited intelligence wants to still list them separately. Since it is shortly after Easter my mind is thinking of the sacrifice Jesus made. Until the last few years I did not understand what "sacrifice" really meant. While reading some of the old testament I began to understand more about the symbolic meaning in the ultimate sacrifice. The sin offerings, guilt offerings etc. were to demonstrate the giving up of something large as a way to be forgiven. To be perfect in the way God would like would be nearly impossible since we are creatures of sin. In a way, God gave us the ultimate bail-out by allowing the sacrifice of his only son.
If he is all-powerful why didn't he just give us all a pass and send us straight to heaven? Once again my limited intelligence does not allow me to comprehend fully... and that's okay. What I do believe is that this life on earth is our testing grounds. If we worship him and show our loyalty to him here then he will allow us into heaven to be with others of more clean spirit. One would not want a soldier into an army if that person is not loyal to the cause. How can you not want to be loyal to a God that created us and promotes kindness.
I did not intend to get that far off topic. My point is that our family has bonded together through a common cause which happens to be the biggest cause available to mankind. We are stronger because of it.
One last note. Kim is pregnant. Just a minor detail that I thought I should mention. This pregnancy was not without opposition. Kim wanted to have another child and I, looking at the economy and world mess, was not in favor of bringing another child into this world. On top of that I will be 58 when the child is 18 years old and ready to leave the nest. That was not in my over-all plan. Then I realized that very little of what was in my life plan has been as I planned. It came down to the fact that I felt Kim would have a more difficult time not having another child than I would with having another child. It has been rough, but I am growing to realize that God has another plan. His plan is for me to love this child as I have loved our other children. I would still like for you to keep me in your prayers. With a new baby at age 40... you know I will need them.
